Relationship Advice Archives

Is “Happy Valentine’s Day” a Risky Text?

How to navigate Valentine’s Day in a new relationship, or situationship. Valentine’s Day, the holiday that’s either a romantic fairy tale or a commercialized nightmare, depending on your relationship status. But what if you find yourself in the murky waters of a new relationship, or worse yet, a situationship? It doesn’t have to be a […]

How to navigate Valentine’s Day in a new relationship, or situationship.

Valentine’s Day, the holiday that’s either a romantic fairy tale or a commercialized nightmare, depending on your relationship status. But what if you find yourself in the murky waters of a new relationship, or worse yet, a situationship? It doesn’t have to be a big deal, so long as you don’t make it one. Take a deep breath, and buckle up, for FFWD’s guide on how to navigate Valentine’s Day with someone you just started seeing, or someone you’re not seeing that seriously.

First things first, let’s address the elephant in the room: expectations. In a new relationship or situationship, the pressure to make Valentine’s Day memorable can feel like a ton of bricks crashing down on your fragile romance. But guess what? It doesn’t have to be that way. Throw those Hallmark-inspired expectations out the window and embrace the chaos.

Now, onto the logistics. Gift-giving can be a minefield in a new relationship, or in a relationship where you’re not sure where you stand. You don’t want to come on too strong with a grand romantic gesture, but you also don’t want to underwhelm with a last-minute drugstore card. So, what’s the solution? Keep it light, keep it fun, and for the love of all things holy, avoid heart-shaped anything. Opt for something quirky or personal that shows you’ve been paying attention without overdoing it. Bonus points if it’s something you can enjoy together, like tickets to a weird local event or a DIY craft kit.

Next up, the contentious date night. Whether you’re going out or staying in, if you’re seeing your boo, the key is to keep it low-key and low-pressure. Skip the fancy prix fixe dinner and opt for something more casual and spontaneous. Maybe it’s a picnic in the park (weather permitting) or a Netflix binge with all the snacks your hearts desire. The goal here is to have fun and enjoy each other’s company without the stress of meeting unrealistic romantic expectations.

But what if you’re not quite sure where you stand in your new relationship? Ah yes, the infamous situationship. In this case, communication is key. Have an honest conversation about your expectations for Valentine’s Day. Are you both on the same page about keeping it casual? Great, then enjoy a carefree day of whatever floats your collective boats. Are you hoping for something a bit more romantic? Express that too, but be prepared for whatever response comes your way. Remember, a situationship is all about navigating the gray areas, so embrace the uncertainty and go with the flow.

Lastly, let’s talk about the big picture. Valentine’s Day is just one day out of the year, and it’s important not to get too caught up in the hype. Instead of focusing on grand gestures or Instagram-worthy moments, focus on building a solid foundation for your relationship. While it’s more romantic, it is still another date. Whether it’s been two weeks or two months, take the time to really get to know each other and enjoy the journey.

So there you have it, my irreverent guide to navigating Valentine’s Day in a new relationship or situationship. Remember, it’s all about keeping it light, keeping it fun, and above all, keeping it real. Now go forth and celebrate in whatever way brings you joy, whether it’s with heart-shaped chocolates or a marathon gaming session. After all, love (and situationships) are what you make of them.

And if all else fails, there’s always February 15th candy sales to look forward to!

P.S. If you’re looking for someone to celebrate with, download ffwd. <3

How to Spot and Tackle a Selfish Lover

Unlock the secrets of spotting and dealing with selfish lovers.

In our previous post, we dived into the undeniable truth: a selfish lover isn’t just a bedroom buzzkill; they’re a colossal crimson flag that can send shockwaves through your entire relationship. That is, their selfishness during sex can translate into a lack of consideration and care in other areas of the relationship. This is where the ripple effect of their selfishness comes into play – their actions in the bedroom can provide critical insights into their consideration and care (or lack thereof) in other aspects of your partnership.

Spotting a Selfish Lover

But in a world full of complicated relationships, spotting a selfish lover can feel like finding a needle in a haystack. But, luckily, we’re here to help you in your quest for enlightenment to help you identify this behavior early on. That is, it is handy to know whether their actions require a few tweaks and may not be a cause for real concern or is a pattern that is squarely within the crimson zone.

Lack of Communication

A selfish lover often fails to communicate their desires, preferences, and boundaries. They may not ask for your input or make any effort to understand what brings you pleasure. This lack of communication can lead to misaligned expectations and a one-sided sexual experience.

Inattentiveness

Another sign of a selfish lover is their inattentiveness to your needs and desires. They may not pay attention to your cues or show any interest in satisfying you. Their spotlight shines solely on their own pleasure, leaving you feeling like a forgotten extra in your own love story.

Refusal to Reciprocate

A selfish lover is often unwilling to reciprocate the same level of attention and effort that you put into satisfying them. They may not be interested in exploring your desires or making an effort to ensure your pleasure. This one-sidedness can create a sense of imbalance and dissatisfaction in the relationship.

Disregard for Boundaries

A selfish lover may disregard your boundaries and push for their own desires without considering your comfort or consent. They may make you feel pressured or uncomfortable, prioritizing their own needs over your boundaries and well-being.

Lack of Emotional Connection

In addition to the physical aspect, a healthy sexual relationship also involves emotional connection and intimacy. A selfish lover may lack the emotional depth and connection required for a fulfilling and satisfying sexual experience. We’re not saying that a good mindless romp-session isn’t good or healthy from time to time, but if that is their only mode, it may be an indicator that they are merely focused on their own pleasure than on building a strong emotional bond with you.

Dealing with a Selfish Lover

If you find yourself in a relationship with a selfish lover, it’s important to address the issue and communicate your needs and expectations. It is at this point that you can determine whether their behavior is merely an oversight versus a sign of a truly emotionally unavailable person.

Open and Honest Communication

Start by having an open and honest conversation with your partner about how their selfish behavior is affecting you. Be assertive, but also approach the conversation with empathy and understanding. After all, we’re all human, and sometimes we make mistakes

Establish Boundaries

Establish clear boundaries and make sure your partner understands them. Let them know what you’re comfortable with and what crosses the line. Boundaries are not meant to restrict, but rather to create a safe and enjoyable space for both of you.

Consider Your Long-Term Compatibility

Ultimately, it’s important to evaluate whether the relationship is meeting your needs and whether your partner is willing to make the necessary changes. A selfish lover may not be compatible with your desire for a healthy and fulfilling relationship. It’s essential to prioritize your own happiness and well-being.

Seek Professional Help

If the issue persists and yet you see hope and potential in your relationship, it might be worth considering couples therapy or seeking professional guidance. A trained therapist can help you navigate the complexities of your relationship and provide valuable insights and strategies for improvement.

Being with a selfish lover can be frustrating and disheartening, but it doesn’t have to be the end of the road. By addressing the issue head-on, setting boundaries, and fostering open communication, you can work towards cultivating a fulfilling and satisfying relationship. Remember, love should be a two-way street, where both partners prioritize each other’s needs and pleasure. So, go forth, communicate, and create the love life you deserve!

3 Science-Backed Reasons Why a Cuffing Season Romance Could be Good for You

Unveiling the surprising benefits of seeking a seasonal relationship.

Ah, the unmistakable signs of the colder season: pumpkin spice lattes, jingling bells, and the sudden vanishing act of your single friends into the cozy embrace of coupledom. It’s the time when love is in the frosty air, from ice skating beneath the starlit sky to those enchanting mistletoe moments and the kisses to usher in the New Year. But what about those of us who find ourselves solo during this chilly epoch? Fret not, for we’ve uncovered the perfect remedy for those winter blues – brace yourselves for cuffing season!

For the uninformed, “cuffing season” refers to the compelling urge to find a cozy winter romance, with the understanding that come spring, you might part ways. Think of it as the more serious cousin of the “summer fling.” Just like other dating buzzwords – breadcrumbing, harpooning, ghosting – cuffing season began as a casual observation and has since blossomed into a full-blown industry. It’s a term that’s made its way from social media quips to Google’s top winter search terms, fueling countless dating columns, this one included. Now, while some might have you believe that “cuffing season” is a frigid wasteland for singles, science is here to set the record straight. So here are three reasons why this dating trend may actually be something we should indulge in.

1. The Age-Old Instinct.

Despite the Gen-Z sounding nomenclature, the concept of cuffing season isn’t a modern quirk; it’s as old as human biology and evolution; it’s deeply rooted in biology and evolution. In the days before central heating systems, surviving the winter months meant gathering around fires and staying indoors to avoid freezing. And what better way to generate some much-needed heat than, ahem, engaging in a little physical activity? If you go far back enough, it was a survival strategy, a bit like saying, “Let’s have a bunch of kids to help with the farm work, and just in case a few succumb to the plague, we’ll have some spares.” Those cold, crop-less months provided the perfect opportunity for procreation. In essence, what we call cuffing season was actually our ancestors’ survival strategy for staying warm and keeping the species alive.

2. Psychology Says So.

For the modern human, cuffing season offers more than just warmth and companionship. Modern psychology suggests that cuffing season offers more than just a warm companion. As the temperature drops, so does our social activity, but we’re naturally social creatures who crave warmth, affection, and connection. Hence, cuffing ourselves to someone for a while can help fill that void, both emotionally and physically. Also, studies show that testosterone levels tend to peak around October, leading to increased desires for physical intimacy. The decrease in sunlight during the winter can also cause a dip in serotonin levels, which can be countered by connecting with someone special. All that is to say that science is practically begging you to find a cuddle buddy this winter.

3. Seasonal Comfort.

Is cuffing season a good thing? Well, it depends on your perspective. Not every relationship has to be a lifelong commitment, and that’s perfectly okay. If snuggling up with someone for a couple of months makes the winter feel a bit more bearable, there’s no harm in embracing it. The key is to ensure that both parties are on the same page and prioritize safety and consent and you follow some basic ground rules. But in the grand scheme of things, whether you’re seeking a winter buddy or just a warm embrace, cuffing season may be your golden ticket to seasonal comfort.

As the winter chill settles in, don’t let the frosty blues get you down. Embrace cuffing season with open arms, and let the warmth of companionship and romance light up your winter nights. Remember, it’s not necessarily about finding a forever love – although you never know; it’s about staying cozy, having some fun, and making a meaningful connection, even if it’s just for this snowy season. So, here’s to a happy and delightful cuffing season! Who knows, maybe your winter love story will continue blooming into spring – after all, love has been known to melt even the iciest of hearts.

Authenticity in Online Dating: Why imperfection guarantees better matches than any filter

Just be you, silly!

If you’ve just emerged from a twenty-year slumber, welcome back to the wild world of today! Things have changed, and one significant transformation is how people present themselves, especially in the realm of online dating. With high-tech phones and photo-editing tools, anyone can create a digital facade that differs dramatically from reality.

But if you’ve been awake all along, you’re probably well aware of this phenomenon. A trip to the r/IntagramReality subreddit shows how many people distort images of themselves on Instagram, sometimes looking like different people altogether. Mostly, though, they’re laughably bad examples of photo editing with distorted backgrounds or frightening, Picasso-ish aberrations.

But even if not that extreme, In today’s digital age, it’s easier than ever to be inauthentic. You no longer have to be yourself, not if you don’t want to be. This is the central premise of the popular TV show “Catfish,” where individuals adopt fake online personas, only to reveal their true selves when they meet in person. This disconnect between online and real-life identities leads to heartbreak, drama, and plenty of entertainment for MTV viewers.

While Catfish is an extreme example, many of us engage in a milder form of this behavior from time to time. It’s called kittenfishing: making yourself seem more desirable on a dating app. It’s not outright lying about your identity, like catfishing, but altering your appearance on your dating profile radically from what you’re like in person (posting photos with deceptive angles or from years ago, lying about age, height or occupation, or wearing hats to cover up baldness) or bending the truth in other ways to seem more desirable (fibbing your occupation or hobbies).

There’s no need to pass judgment here because we’re all guilty of it to some extent. We engage in kittenfishing because we’re chasing the illusion of perfection and seeking validation in the form of likes on dating apps.

However, perfection is something that’s sold to us; it’s not an achievable goal. And being “perfect” doesn’t necessarily make you more desirable. For example, studies have shown that we are more likely to find asymmetrical faces more attractive than symmetrical ones. That is, our perception of what is perfect is subjective and not actually universally appealing.

Rejection, although painful, is a natural part of life. If it makes you feel any better, even those who appear “perfect” face rejection. And while being rejected after being “real” with someone is like being stung by a hive of bees when you have a bee allergy, in the dating context, it’s much better to be rejected early on than to invest time in someone who doesn’t have any interest in the real-life, authentic you!

Everyone deserves love and acceptance for who they truly are. It takes courage to be authentic, especially when facing the possibility of rejection. However, it is also the only surefire way to find someone who genuinely appreciates and loves you for being yourself. When you find that person, it’s like witnessing a fireworks display of genuine connection and understanding.

Being yourself leads to a more honest understanding of who you are, creating a first date experience that is confident and free of mismatched expectations. It increases the likelihood of a better first date, a second date, and a more fulfilling dating experience overall. So, in the world of online dating, embracing your imperfections and showcasing your authentic self can lead to the most meaningful connections.

So. In a world where authenticity shines brighter than any digital filter, being yourself is the compass that guides you to genuine connections, ensuring that your search for love is an unapologetically true and rewarding journey.

The #1 Key Tip for Success in Dating: Putting In The Right Kind of Effort

A sprinkle of effort can create a heap of magic.

Hey there, all you lovely daters. Gather ‘round because we’re about to reveal a major tip for success in dating. So buckle up, grab a snack, and let’s get started

First things first, let’s talk about the most important ingredient in a successful dating life – EFFORT. Yeah, we know, it sounds like common sense, but hear us out. Dating is like baking a cake; if you miss some essential ingredients, it’s not going to turn out the way you want it to.

And just like sugar is essential to cake, effort is crucial to make the dating come out right; without it, your dating life is going to be bland and tasteless, and no one wants that. And we’re not talking about the effort of just swiping right and left mindlessly or simply showing up to dates. We’re talking about putting in the right kind of effort.

We’ve heard people complain about daters being slow to respond to communication, showing up late to a date, looking sloppy, being inattentive to the conversation, not being present by checking their phone, and a whole lot more. But it all boils down to one thing: a lack of effort. Come on, people, try a little harder!

Let’s go back to our cake example. Imagine you have all the ingredients you need to bake a delicious cake, but you realize your flour is expired. You don’t feel like going out to buy fresh flour, so you use the stale stash you have. You’re putting in the effort, but it’s not going to turn out the way you want it to. The same thing goes for dating; if you’re not putting in the effort to make yourself look great or engage in the conversation, it’s not going to turn out the way you want it to.

And, no, the right kind of effort in dating doesn’t involve mere endless swiping or even making grand gestures. It means finding the right person by putting in the time to know them, making plans, being responsive, showing up on time, looking your best, choosing a safe and convenient meeting place, and keeping the momentum going. Be complimentary, communicate consistently, be present, and show your vulnerable side.

And if the effort is not reciprocated, move on. The right person will put in the effort, too. Think of it as a way to gauge someone’s character. If they can’t put in a little effort to build a relationship, they’re not the right partner for you.

So, put on your aprons, people, and get ready to bake some sweet, sweet love! And remember, just like baking a cake, it won’t be perfect every time, but with the right effort, you’ll eventually end up with a dating life that’s as satisfying as a freshly baked cake.

Now go out there, and show the world what you’ve got!

Why You Should Be Open to Dating Outside Your Type.

You might just learn a thing or two about yourself.

When it comes to dating, we’re all a bit like Indiana Jones. (No, that doesn’t mean you should bring a whip to a first date.) Dating is a dangerous adventure into the unknown, a new experience with new people — and most of us are looking for our own “Holy Grail” person.

When people envision the actual Holy Grail chalice, they picture a fancy golden goblet adorned with fancy jewels and textures. And much like our romanticized version of the sacred chalice, our own Holy Grail romantic partner is, metaphorically, made of gold and adorned with gemstones. That is, we make a mental image of our ideal type and tell ourselves that’s who we should be with.

The funny thing about the actual Holy Grail, if it existed, is that it would have been made of wood. It’s just a wooden wine cup. You probably wouldn’t think anything of it if you saw it.

The point is, sometimes the most special and valuable things aren’t anything like what we expected. That applies to romantic prospects too.

That’s why we advise you to stop “groundhogging” and screw your “type” (ignore the pun, please)—and don’t take that out of context. When you narrow your dating life down to one “type,” you predetermine the things you’re looking for, and they might not always be the right things. If your type is “long, tan, and handsome,” you might end up dating… well, this guy:

Here are just a few awesome benefits of dating someone outside your “type”.

1. You open yourself up to more possibilities.

By ditching your type, you’re expanding your dating horizon exponentially. After all, there are 7 billion people in the world — most of them aren’t going to be your “dream” person, but they might still be amazing partners.

Obviously, you’re going to have some dealbreakers, we all do. You shouldn’t ignore those, but does the color of someone’s hair really matter that much or their height? People are interesting, and the more of them you get to know, the more you’ll learn.

2. You could learn something new about yourself or pick up some new hobbies and interests.

Sure, it’s nice to date someone who enjoys movies as much as you do, but have you ever tried salsa dancing? Sometimes people push you out of your comfort zone, but your comfort zone is holding you back! You know what’s comfortable? Sitting on the couch in a robe with a tub of ice cream. You probably shouldn’t do that every day. Sometimes, we need someone to come along and make us do something new. You might even find something you like.

Oh, and by the way, anything can be fun with the right person. It’s a pretty good test of how compatible you are.

3. Even if it doesn’t work out, you may become more flexible in your dating approach.

Okay, so maybe everything went up in smoke after all, but you may actually learn something about yourself and what’s truly important to look for the next time around. Maybe you realize that someone’s job matters a lot less than how often they make you laugh, or that you need someone who knows how to calm you down when you’re stressed without trying to fix everything for you.

There are probably a million examples, but at the end of the day, the only way you’ll learn what you need is by first learning what you don’t. Give it a try.

Dating different types of people makes us more open-minded and diverse. It opens us up to new experiences that help us learn and grow as people, meaning we can gain new perspectives and develop more empathy.

We can all use that these days.

A Guide to a Post-Breakup Glow-Up: 4 Tips to Help You Heal and Thrive after Heartbreak

How to transform your post-breakup experience into a positive and empowering journey.

Ah, the dreaded “B” word: Breakup. As we all know, the only thing more prevalent in this world than new restaurants in New York City are shattered hopes and broken dreams of romance. We’ve all been there, drowning in our tears, eating tubs of ice cream, and listening to Taylor Swift’s greatest hits on repeat. But let us tell you something – there’s a way to turn that heartbreak into a “glow up” and channel your inner “big ovary energy” to attract love. So grab a drink (alcoholic or not) and let’s get to it.

First things first, let’s talk about what a “glow up” actually is. It’s not just a makeover or a new hairstyle, although those things certainly can help. A glow up is a transformation from the inside out – it’s about becoming the best version of yourself, both physically and mentally. And what better time to start that transformation than after a breakup?

Now, we know it’s easy to wallow in self-pity and binge-watch the Notebook for the fifth time, but trust us, that’s not going to help you move on. So here are our four pieces of advice for turning that heartbreak into a glow up:

1. Cut ties (at least for a little while) with the Ex.

This might be the hardest advice to follow, but it’s also the most important. You need time and space to heal, and that means cutting off all contact with your ex for a while. We’re not saying you HAVE to delete their number or block them on social media (although that can certainly help), but you do need to give yourself some distance. And that includes not cyber-stalking them or obsessing over their every move. Trust us, you’ll feel so much better once you let go.

2. Focus on yourself.

This is the fun part – it’s time to channel all that energy you used to spend on your ex into yourself. Start that workout routine you’ve been putting off, take that cooking class you’ve always wanted to try, or splurge on that new outfit you’ve been eyeing, or maybe take a spontaneous last minute trip. This is your time to shine, so don’t hold back. And to reiterate, a glow up isn’t just about physical appearance – it’s also about improving your mental health. So take up meditation, try therapy, or just spend some quality time with yourself and your “positivity tribe” (more on that below).

3. Surround yourself with your “positivity tribe”.

What is a “positivity tribe” you may ask? Well it’s those friends, family and everyone in between, that makes you feel good about yourself and uplifts you. You know the saying, “you are the company you keep”? Well, it’s true. So make sure you’re spending time with people who uplift and support you. This might mean reconnecting with old friends or joining a new social group. And don’t be afraid to cut out toxic people who bring you down. Remember the mantra: positive vibes only! You deserve it.

4. Stay open to love.

This might seem counterintuitive, but hear us out. Just because one relationship didn’t work out doesn’t mean you’re destined to be single forever. In fact, now that you’ve taken the time to focus on yourself and become the best version of yourself, you’re even more ready to find a healthy, loving relationship. So don’t close yourself off to the possibility of a new romance. Embrace your “big ovary energy” and put yourself out there. Check out that new restaurant and try out your flirting skills. Wink at the cute neighbor of yours. Hey, maybe try that new dating app that everyone’s been talking about. You never know what might happen.

And remember, healing takes time, so be patient and kind to yourself. But with a little self-care and a lot of confidence, you’ll be glowing in no time. And maybe even finding that lasting connection sooner than you thought!

Selfish Lovers: Why They’re a Relationship Red Flag

Trust us, if they’re not attentive to your needs during sex, they wont be a better partner outside the bedroom.

A selfish lover – ugh! If you’re one of the unfortunate individuals who’ve been with one, you know where we’re coming from. But if you’re lucky enough not to have encountered an egotistical paramour, let us paint the picture.

You’re getting intimate for the first time with a hottie you’ve been dating for [insert some “appropriate” amount of time] and you’re super stoked to finally test out your chemistry in the bedroom. Though first-time sex can be awkward and vulnerable, you’re still bringing your A-game. Most importantly, you’re trying to ensure that your partner is satisfied. But alas, despite the fact that you’ve been attentive and made an effort to please them, they don’t seem to care about your pleasure. They don’t check in, they don’t ask, they don’t seem to care or notice. What.The.Wha?!

Could their selfish actions in the bedroom offer valuable insight into what kind of partner they might be in a relationship, whether casual or serious?

In short, YES – a selfish lover is a significant relationship red flag.

Understanding what’s not a red flag

Before diving deeper, let’s clarify what doesn’t qualify as a red flag. We’re not suggesting that someone is terrible just because your initial sexual encounters aren’t mind-blowing or you don’t reach climax. First-time experiences are typically filled with jitters, insecurities, and trial-and-error. We all have our unique preferences in bed, and it’s natural to be out of sync initially. The good news is that sex often improves with time, practice, and open communication.

Additionally, we don’t mean to cast aspersions on the less experienced lovers. Learning to be great at sex is a journey, and if you encounter someone at the beginning of their sexual exploration, being patient and understanding can lead to a rewarding experience.

Spotting the Selfish Lover

The red flag we’re addressing is the selfish lover who prioritizes their needs and disregards yours. They believe their mere presence should bring you pleasure without making any effort to reciprocate. They love receiving but won’t give. They reach their own satisfaction without inquiring about yours. In this scenario, it’s all about them, and you feel like a supporting actor in your own story.

While this behavior may be an initial faux pas – that is, it’s not characteristic of their normal behavior during sex – beware if their inattentiveness is a pattern that occurs repeatedly. If, for example, the second time around they still only care about their own gratification —- that’s a P-R-O-B-L-E-M. And if you do eventually provide pleasure cues and how-to-satisfy-you instructions and they completely disregard them —- that’s E-G-R-E-G-I-O-U-S!

Why Selfish Sex Matters Beyond the Bedroom

Some may dismiss selfish behavior, thinking, “It’s just sex; they can still be a great partner otherwise.” However, selfish behavior in bed is indicative of how they might behave outside of it.

Selfish sex behavior, beyond causing sexual frustration and insecurity, is an indicator of what type of partner the person will be outside the bedroom.

Sex is a shared experience and both parties should be aware and mindful of each other’s needs and wants. Your partner’s failure to be attentive and care during sex can lead you to feel disconnected, neglected, and insecure. And if they do that in context of the most vulnerable and intimate instances, they’re likely to make you feel the same way in the rest of the relationship. This is the type of partner who will make his own plans without taking you into account; the kind that may apologize when they’ve hurt you but then continues to engage in behavior that causes you pain; the kind that will run out for an errand in the morning while you’re sleeping and comes back without a cup of coffee for you. You know the type.

In the end, with this kind of partner, you’ll feel unfulfilled in all aspects of your relationship. A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, communication, and a willingness to prioritize each other’s happiness. If your partner consistently fails to meet these criteria in the bedroom, it’s a strong indication that they will also fall short in other aspects of the relationship.

So here is our advice: don’t make the mistake of investing your time in a selfish lover. They’ll be just as disappointing with their clothes on. You deserve someone who values your pleasure and happiness as much as their own.

Let’s talk about sex, baby: 3 Tips For Discussing Intimacy with a New partner

Let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be…

When it comes to discussing intimacy with a new partner, Salt-N-Pepa’s sex-positive anthem “Let’s Talk About Sex” from the 90s serves as a reminder that conversations around this topic can be uncomfortable yet essential. Addressing subjects such as safe sex, positive and negative aspects of intimacy, and the discomfort that often accompanies the conversation, the song contributed to making discussions about sex less taboo. In this blog post, we delve into the importance of talking about sex with your romantic prospects and offer tips for initiating these conversations.

The Significance of Sexual Compatibility

While online dating profiles commonly feature categories like relationship goals and desire for children, sexual preferences and needs are often too complex to categorize neatly. Nevertheless, the significance of sex in a romantic relationship – whether in a situationship, a partnership, or a marriage – cannot be overlooked. Beyond the physical aspect, sexual intimacy fosters a unique emotional connection with a partner. Thus, sexual compatibility encompassing preferences, desires, and styles becomes pivotal in a fulfilling relationship. Conversely, sexual incompatibility can raise a pink flag.

Initiating the Conversation

So you should definitely be talking about sex with your romantic prospects and you should be doing it early on. We don’t mean to imply that you should list out your kinks and fantasies over a second-date coffee. But just like with other aspects of dating, you should share your basic likes, dislikes and expectations so that you can determine whether you’re on the same page. Even if you don’t discuss it before your first intimate encounter, you should find the right opportunity to articulate (whether non-verbally or expressly) what would make you feel good, especially if you aren’t feeling satisfied. It’s all in how you say it. (By the way, if they don’t listen, it’s a good litmus test for how they’ll be in the relationship).

For example, if you’re looking for a serious relationship and they’re just looking to casually date, you’ll likely end things. But what if you both want to be in a relationship (check ✔) yet when it comes to sex they don’t like foreplay while you get most of your – ahem – “satisfaction” from the buildup (editorial note: that example is from personal experience)? Unless they’re open to fulfilling your desires, you’ll be in a pretty unfulfilling relationship. And even if that’s fine for a little while, the frustration will eventually boil over.

While talking about sex is hard – it can feel even more vulnerable than the act itself – communication about sex is often a gateway to good communication elsewhere in a relationship. Difficult topics are difficult topics and we need to learn to tackle them with our partner.

To make the sex discussion less awkward, establish trust and intimacy first with easier conversations, say about consent or contraception. Then move on to more meatier topics. Ultimately, creating a dialogue about basic sexual needs and expectations opens the door to sharing deeper and more intimate desires and fantasies. And being open and transparent about these things should only help strengthen your relationship.

So have the conversation about sex, baby! You’ll thank us.

Extra! Extra! Here Are the 2 Dating Trends That You Should Follow to Slay Your Dating Life.

Real Talk: Nobody’s out here to play games.

To say the least, the past two years have been weird. We went from our routine in-person interactions to a sudo-metaverse existence in a matter of days. Since then, we’ve been caught in a strange limbo.

Yet it wasn’t entirely all a dumpster fire. Spending a lot of time alone has given us an opportunity to gain some important perspectives. We were forced to re-evaluate our priorities and wants — and it turns out that most of us want something new. New types of jobs, new experiences (including in the bedroom, thanks for the intel, Cosmo), and, for those of us who are single, a new relationship.

But in a post-apocalypse dating world, we aren’t looking for casual, superficial paramours. We’re dating with the intention of finding a meaningful partner.

In other words, the games are done and authenticity and meaningful bonds are on the rise. Daters know what they want — and what they don’t — and they’re branching out of their comfort zones to find it.

So if you’re like us and are ready to ride the post-vaccination relationship boom, here’s a look at two dating trends that we think can help guide your journey.

Fast-Forwarding

No, we didn’t just pick this one for the name — it really is the most significant dating trend expected in 2022. So what is it?

“Fast-forwarding” (also referred to as “hardballing“) means looking ahead and considering whether a potential partner fits into the life you see yourself living in the future.

This lets us avoid wasting time on bad dates and incompatible partners. That means prioritizing emotional availability and focusing less on appearance. And it does seem obvious — looks can easily change, but a supportive partner will be a stable companion for the ages.

Fast-forwarding also normalizes the uncomfortable conversations about what we want, and being far more upfront with our partners about it, sooner. Further, that means being forthcoming as our wants and needs change. Nobody’s expected to be the same person year after year. Life changes us, situations change us, people change us, and our needs change, too.

We always encourage people to be honest about their needs and communicate them with their partners, and the trend of fast-forwarding shows that people are starting to do this from the very beginning.

‘Oystering’

Oystering is another breakout trend going into the new year, but what does it mean?

Well, it’s pretty simple: “oystering” means remaining consciously single — or maybe a better way to put it is “being single, consciously.” No more dating for the sake of dating! Instead, you pursue someone only when you’re ready and you feel a real, emotional connection with them.

Our advice? If you’re just getting out of a relationship, take time to realign yourself, release emotional baggage weighing you, and figure out what you want and need. And when you’re ready to get back out there, do it with intention!

Looking Ahead

Though trends come and go, “fast-forwarding” and “oystering” will likely have staying power in light of what the harrowing last two years have taught us: life’s too short to waste on something that’s purely superficial.

So seek out real connections and genuine relationships that challenge you in the right ways. Partners should open our eyes to new possibilities and experiences.