The Juice & the Squeeze

Let’s talk about sex, baby: 3 Tips For Discussing Intimacy with a New partner

Let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be…

Couple Kissing

When it comes to discussing intimacy with a new partner, Salt-N-Pepa’s sex-positive anthem “Let’s Talk About Sex” from the 90s serves as a reminder that conversations around this topic can be uncomfortable yet essential. Addressing subjects such as safe sex, positive and negative aspects of intimacy, and the discomfort that often accompanies the conversation, the song contributed to making discussions about sex less taboo. In this blog post, we delve into the importance of talking about sex with your romantic prospects and offer tips for initiating these conversations.

The Significance of Sexual Compatibility

While online dating profiles commonly feature categories like relationship goals and desire for children, sexual preferences and needs are often too complex to categorize neatly. Nevertheless, the significance of sex in a romantic relationship – whether in a situationship, a partnership, or a marriage – cannot be overlooked. Beyond the physical aspect, sexual intimacy fosters a unique emotional connection with a partner. Thus, sexual compatibility encompassing preferences, desires, and styles becomes pivotal in a fulfilling relationship. Conversely, sexual incompatibility can raise a pink flag.

Initiating the Conversation

So you should definitely be talking about sex with your romantic prospects and you should be doing it early on. We don’t mean to imply that you should list out your kinks and fantasies over a second-date coffee. But just like with other aspects of dating, you should share your basic likes, dislikes and expectations so that you can determine whether you’re on the same page. Even if you don’t discuss it before your first intimate encounter, you should find the right opportunity to articulate (whether non-verbally or expressly) what would make you feel good, especially if you aren’t feeling satisfied. It’s all in how you say it. (By the way, if they don’t listen, it’s a good litmus test for how they’ll be in the relationship).

For example, if you’re looking for a serious relationship and they’re just looking to casually date, you’ll likely end things. But what if you both want to be in a relationship (check ✔) yet when it comes to sex they don’t like foreplay while you get most of your – ahem – “satisfaction” from the buildup (editorial note: that example is from personal experience)? Unless they’re open to fulfilling your desires, you’ll be in a pretty unfulfilling relationship. And even if that’s fine for a little while, the frustration will eventually boil over. 

While talking about sex is hard – it can feel even more vulnerable than the act itself – communication about sex is often a gateway to good communication elsewhere in a relationship. Difficult topics are difficult topics and we need to learn to tackle them with our partner. 

To make the sex discussion less awkward, establish trust and intimacy first with easier conversations, say about consent or contraception. Then move on to more meatier topics. Ultimately, creating a dialogue about basic sexual needs and expectations opens the door to sharing deeper and more intimate desires and fantasies. And being open and transparent about these things should only help strengthen your relationship.

So have the conversation about sex, baby! You’ll thank us.

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