The Juice & the Squeeze

How to Spot and Tackle a Selfish Lover

Unlock the secrets of spotting and dealing with selfish lovers.

Selfish Lover is a Red Flag

In our previous post, we dived into the undeniable truth: a selfish lover isn’t just a bedroom buzzkill; they’re a colossal crimson flag that can send shockwaves through your entire relationship. That is, their selfishness during sex can translate into a lack of consideration and care in other areas of the relationship. This is where the ripple effect of their selfishness comes into play – their actions in the bedroom can provide critical insights into their consideration and care (or lack thereof) in other aspects of your partnership.

Spotting a Selfish Lover

But in a world full of complicated relationships, spotting a selfish lover can feel like finding a needle in a haystack. But, luckily, we’re here to help you in your quest for enlightenment to help you identify this behavior early on. That is, it is handy to know whether their actions require a few tweaks and may not be a cause for real concern or is a pattern that is squarely within the crimson zone.

Lack of Communication

A selfish lover often fails to communicate their desires, preferences, and boundaries. They may not ask for your input or make any effort to understand what brings you pleasure. This lack of communication can lead to misaligned expectations and a one-sided sexual experience.


Another sign of a selfish lover is their inattentiveness to your needs and desires. They may not pay attention to your cues or show any interest in satisfying you. Their spotlight shines solely on their own pleasure, leaving you feeling like a forgotten extra in your own love story.

Refusal to Reciprocate

A selfish lover is often unwilling to reciprocate the same level of attention and effort that you put into satisfying them. They may not be interested in exploring your desires or making an effort to ensure your pleasure. This one-sidedness can create a sense of imbalance and dissatisfaction in the relationship.

Disregard for Boundaries

A selfish lover may disregard your boundaries and push for their own desires without considering your comfort or consent. They may make you feel pressured or uncomfortable, prioritizing their own needs over your boundaries and well-being.

Lack of Emotional Connection

In addition to the physical aspect, a healthy sexual relationship also involves emotional connection and intimacy. A selfish lover may lack the emotional depth and connection required for a fulfilling and satisfying sexual experience. We’re not saying that a good mindless romp-session isn’t good or healthy from time to time, but if that is their only mode, it may be an indicator that they are merely focused on their own pleasure than on building a strong emotional bond with you.

Dealing with a Selfish Lover

If you find yourself in a relationship with a selfish lover, it’s important to address the issue and communicate your needs and expectations. It is at this point that you can determine whether their behavior is merely an oversight versus a sign of a truly emotionally unavailable person.

Open and Honest Communication

Start by having an open and honest conversation with your partner about how their selfish behavior is affecting you. Be assertive, but also approach the conversation with empathy and understanding. After all, we’re all human, and sometimes we make mistakes

Establish Boundaries

Establish clear boundaries and make sure your partner understands them. Let them know what you’re comfortable with and what crosses the line. Boundaries are not meant to restrict, but rather to create a safe and enjoyable space for both of you.

Consider Your Long-Term Compatibility

Ultimately, it’s important to evaluate whether the relationship is meeting your needs and whether your partner is willing to make the necessary changes. A selfish lover may not be compatible with your desire for a healthy and fulfilling relationship. It’s essential to prioritize your own happiness and well-being.

Seek Professional Help

If the issue persists and yet you see hope and potential in your relationship, it might be worth considering couples therapy or seeking professional guidance. A trained therapist can help you navigate the complexities of your relationship and provide valuable insights and strategies for improvement.

Being with a selfish lover can be frustrating and disheartening, but it doesn’t have to be the end of the road. By addressing the issue head-on, setting boundaries, and fostering open communication, you can work towards cultivating a fulfilling and satisfying relationship. Remember, love should be a two-way street, where both partners prioritize each other’s needs and pleasure. So, go forth, communicate, and create the love life you deserve!

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