Tag: dating tips
Authenticity in Online Dating: Why imperfection guarantees better matches than any filter
Just be you, silly!
If you’ve just emerged from a twenty-year slumber, welcome back to the wild world of today! Things have changed, and one significant transformation is how people present themselves, especially in the realm of online dating. With high-tech phones and photo-editing tools, anyone can create a digital facade that differs dramatically from reality.
But if you’ve been awake all along, you’re probably well aware of this phenomenon. A trip to the r/IntagramReality subreddit shows how many people distort images of themselves on Instagram, sometimes looking like different people altogether. Mostly, though, they’re laughably bad examples of photo editing with distorted backgrounds or frightening, Picasso-ish aberrations.
But even if not that extreme, In today’s digital age, it’s easier than ever to be inauthentic. You no longer have to be yourself, not if you don’t want to be. This is the central premise of the popular TV show “Catfish,” where individuals adopt fake online personas, only to reveal their true selves when they meet in person. This disconnect between online and real-life identities leads to heartbreak, drama, and plenty of entertainment for MTV viewers.
While Catfish is an extreme example, many of us engage in a milder form of this behavior from time to time. It’s called kittenfishing: making yourself seem more desirable on a dating app. It’s not outright lying about your identity, like catfishing, but altering your appearance on your dating profile radically from what you’re like in person (posting photos with deceptive angles or from years ago, lying about age, height or occupation, or wearing hats to cover up baldness) or bending the truth in other ways to seem more desirable (fibbing your occupation or hobbies).
There’s no need to pass judgment here because we’re all guilty of it to some extent. We engage in kittenfishing because we’re chasing the illusion of perfection and seeking validation in the form of likes on dating apps.
However, perfection is something that’s sold to us; it’s not an achievable goal. And being “perfect” doesn’t necessarily make you more desirable. For example, studies have shown that we are more likely to find asymmetrical faces more attractive than symmetrical ones. That is, our perception of what is perfect is subjective and not actually universally appealing.
Rejection, although painful, is a natural part of life. If it makes you feel any better, even those who appear “perfect” face rejection. And while being rejected after being “real” with someone is like being stung by a hive of bees when you have a bee allergy, in the dating context, it’s much better to be rejected early on than to invest time in someone who doesn’t have any interest in the real-life, authentic you!
Everyone deserves love and acceptance for who they truly are. It takes courage to be authentic, especially when facing the possibility of rejection. However, it is also the only surefire way to find someone who genuinely appreciates and loves you for being yourself. When you find that person, it’s like witnessing a fireworks display of genuine connection and understanding.
Being yourself leads to a more honest understanding of who you are, creating a first date experience that is confident and free of mismatched expectations. It increases the likelihood of a better first date, a second date, and a more fulfilling dating experience overall. So, in the world of online dating, embracing your imperfections and showcasing your authentic self can lead to the most meaningful connections.
So. In a world where authenticity shines brighter than any digital filter, being yourself is the compass that guides you to genuine connections, ensuring that your search for love is an unapologetically true and rewarding journey.
The #1 Key Tip for Success in Dating: Putting In The Right Kind of Effort
A sprinkle of effort can create a heap of magic.
Hey there, all you lovely daters. Gather ‘round because we’re about to reveal a major tip for success in dating. So buckle up, grab a snack, and let’s get started
First things first, let’s talk about the most important ingredient in a successful dating life – EFFORT. Yeah, we know, it sounds like common sense, but hear us out. Dating is like baking a cake; if you miss some essential ingredients, it’s not going to turn out the way you want it to.
And just like sugar is essential to cake, effort is crucial to make the dating come out right; without it, your dating life is going to be bland and tasteless, and no one wants that. And we’re not talking about the effort of just swiping right and left mindlessly or simply showing up to dates. We’re talking about putting in the right kind of effort.
We’ve heard people complain about daters being slow to respond to communication, showing up late to a date, looking sloppy, being inattentive to the conversation, not being present by checking their phone, and a whole lot more. But it all boils down to one thing: a lack of effort. Come on, people, try a little harder!
Let’s go back to our cake example. Imagine you have all the ingredients you need to bake a delicious cake, but you realize your flour is expired. You don’t feel like going out to buy fresh flour, so you use the stale stash you have. You’re putting in the effort, but it’s not going to turn out the way you want it to. The same thing goes for dating; if you’re not putting in the effort to make yourself look great or engage in the conversation, it’s not going to turn out the way you want it to.
And, no, the right kind of effort in dating doesn’t involve mere endless swiping or even making grand gestures. It means finding the right person by putting in the time to know them, making plans, being responsive, showing up on time, looking your best, choosing a safe and convenient meeting place, and keeping the momentum going. Be complimentary, communicate consistently, be present, and show your vulnerable side.
And if the effort is not reciprocated, move on. The right person will put in the effort, too. Think of it as a way to gauge someone’s character. If they can’t put in a little effort to build a relationship, they’re not the right partner for you.
So, put on your aprons, people, and get ready to bake some sweet, sweet love! And remember, just like baking a cake, it won’t be perfect every time, but with the right effort, you’ll eventually end up with a dating life that’s as satisfying as a freshly baked cake.
Now go out there, and show the world what you’ve got!
Why You Should Be Open to Dating Outside Your Type.
You might just learn a thing or two about yourself.
When it comes to dating, we’re all a bit like Indiana Jones. (No, that doesn’t mean you should bring a whip to a first date.) Dating is a dangerous adventure into the unknown, a new experience with new people — and most of us are looking for our own “Holy Grail” person.
When people envision the actual Holy Grail chalice, they picture a fancy golden goblet adorned with fancy jewels and textures. And much like our romanticized version of the sacred chalice, our own Holy Grail romantic partner is, metaphorically, made of gold and adorned with gemstones. That is, we make a mental image of our ideal type and tell ourselves that’s who we should be with.
The funny thing about the actual Holy Grail, if it existed, is that it would have been made of wood. It’s just a wooden wine cup. You probably wouldn’t think anything of it if you saw it.
The point is, sometimes the most special and valuable things aren’t anything like what we expected. That applies to romantic prospects too.
That’s why we advise you to stop “groundhogging” and screw your “type” (ignore the pun, please)—and don’t take that out of context. When you narrow your dating life down to one “type,” you predetermine the things you’re looking for, and they might not always be the right things. If your type is “long, tan, and handsome,” you might end up dating… well, this guy:
Here are just a few awesome benefits of dating someone outside your “type”.
1. You open yourself up to more possibilities.
By ditching your type, you’re expanding your dating horizon exponentially. After all, there are 7 billion people in the world — most of them aren’t going to be your “dream” person, but they might still be amazing partners.
Obviously, you’re going to have some dealbreakers, we all do. You shouldn’t ignore those, but does the color of someone’s hair really matter that much or their height? People are interesting, and the more of them you get to know, the more you’ll learn.
2. You could learn something new about yourself or pick up some new hobbies and interests.
Sure, it’s nice to date someone who enjoys movies as much as you do, but have you ever tried salsa dancing? Sometimes people push you out of your comfort zone, but your comfort zone is holding you back! You know what’s comfortable? Sitting on the couch in a robe with a tub of ice cream. You probably shouldn’t do that every day. Sometimes, we need someone to come along and make us do something new. You might even find something you like.
Oh, and by the way, anything can be fun with the right person. It’s a pretty good test of how compatible you are.
3. Even if it doesn’t work out, you may become more flexible in your dating approach.
Okay, so maybe everything went up in smoke after all, but you may actually learn something about yourself and what’s truly important to look for the next time around. Maybe you realize that someone’s job matters a lot less than how often they make you laugh, or that you need someone who knows how to calm you down when you’re stressed without trying to fix everything for you.
There are probably a million examples, but at the end of the day, the only way you’ll learn what you need is by first learning what you don’t. Give it a try.
Dating different types of people makes us more open-minded and diverse. It opens us up to new experiences that help us learn and grow as people, meaning we can gain new perspectives and develop more empathy.
We can all use that these days.
Selfish Lovers: Why They’re a *Relationship* Red Flag
Trust us, if they’re not attentive to your needs during sex, they wont be a better partner outside the bedroom.
A selfish lover – ugh! If you’re one of the unfortunate individuals who’ve been with one, you know where we’re coming from. But if you’re lucky enough not to have encountered an egotistical paramour, let us paint the picture.
You’re getting intimate for the first time with a hottie you’ve been dating for [insert some “appropriate” amount of time] and you’re super stoked to finally test out your chemistry in the bedroom. Though first-time sex can be awkward and vulnerable, you’re still bringing your A-game. Most importantly, you’re trying to ensure that your partner is satisfied. But alas, despite the fact that you’ve been attentive and made an effort to please them, they don’t seem to care about your pleasure. They don’t check in, they don’t ask, they don’t seem to care or notice. What.The.Wha?!
Could their selfish actions in the bedroom offer valuable insight into what kind of partner they might be in a relationship, whether casual or serious?
In short, YES – a selfish lover is a significant relationship red flag.
Understanding what’s not a red flag
Before diving deeper, let’s clarify what doesn’t qualify as a red flag. We’re not suggesting that someone is terrible just because your initial sexual encounters aren’t mind-blowing or you don’t reach climax. First-time experiences are typically filled with jitters, insecurities, and trial-and-error. We all have our unique preferences in bed, and it’s natural to be out of sync initially. The good news is that sex often improves with time, practice, and open communication.
Additionally, we don’t mean to cast aspersions on the less experienced lovers. Learning to be great at sex is a journey, and if you encounter someone at the beginning of their sexual exploration, being patient and understanding can lead to a rewarding experience.
Spotting the Selfish Lover
The red flag we’re addressing is the selfish lover who prioritizes their needs and disregards yours. They believe their mere presence should bring you pleasure without making any effort to reciprocate. They love receiving but won’t give. They reach their own satisfaction without inquiring about yours. In this scenario, it’s all about them, and you feel like a supporting actor in your own story.
While this behavior may be an initial faux pas – that is, it’s not characteristic of their normal behavior during sex – beware if their inattentiveness is a pattern that occurs repeatedly. If, for example, the second time around they still only care about their own gratification —- that’s a P-R-O-B-L-E-M. And if you do eventually provide pleasure cues and how-to-satisfy-you instructions and they completely disregard them —- that’s E-G-R-E-G-I-O-U-S!
Why Selfish Sex Matters Beyond the Bedroom
Some may dismiss selfish behavior, thinking, “It’s just sex; they can still be a great partner otherwise.” However, selfish behavior in bed is indicative of how they might behave outside of it.
Selfish sex behavior, beyond causing sexual frustration and insecurity, is an indicator of what type of partner the person will be outside the bedroom.
Sex is a shared experience and both parties should be aware and mindful of each other’s needs and wants. Your partner’s failure to be attentive and care during sex can lead you to feel disconnected, neglected, and insecure. And if they do that in context of the most vulnerable and intimate instances, they’re likely to make you feel the same way in the rest of the relationship. This is the type of partner who will make his own plans without taking you into account; the kind that may apologize when they’ve hurt you but then continues to engage in behavior that causes you pain; the kind that will run out for an errand in the morning while you’re sleeping and comes back without a cup of coffee for you. You know the type.
In the end, with this kind of partner, you’ll feel unfulfilled in all aspects of your relationship. A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, communication, and a willingness to prioritize each other’s happiness. If your partner consistently fails to meet these criteria in the bedroom, it’s a strong indication that they will also fall short in other aspects of the relationship.
So here is our advice: don’t make the mistake of investing your time in a selfish lover. They’ll be just as disappointing with their clothes on. You deserve someone who values your pleasure and happiness as much as their own.
Let’s talk about sex, baby: 3 Tips For Discussing Intimacy with a New partner
Let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be…
When it comes to discussing intimacy with a new partner, Salt-N-Pepa’s sex-positive anthem “Let’s Talk About Sex” from the 90s serves as a reminder that conversations around this topic can be uncomfortable yet essential. Addressing subjects such as safe sex, positive and negative aspects of intimacy, and the discomfort that often accompanies the conversation, the song contributed to making discussions about sex less taboo. In this blog post, we delve into the importance of talking about sex with your romantic prospects and offer tips for initiating these conversations.
The Significance of Sexual Compatibility
While online dating profiles commonly feature categories like relationship goals and desire for children, sexual preferences and needs are often too complex to categorize neatly. Nevertheless, the significance of sex in a romantic relationship – whether in a situationship, a partnership, or a marriage – cannot be overlooked. Beyond the physical aspect, sexual intimacy fosters a unique emotional connection with a partner. Thus, sexual compatibility encompassing preferences, desires, and styles becomes pivotal in a fulfilling relationship. Conversely, sexual incompatibility can raise a pink flag.
Initiating the Conversation
So you should definitely be talking about sex with your romantic prospects and you should be doing it early on. We don’t mean to imply that you should list out your kinks and fantasies over a second-date coffee. But just like with other aspects of dating, you should share your basic likes, dislikes and expectations so that you can determine whether you’re on the same page. Even if you don’t discuss it before your first intimate encounter, you should find the right opportunity to articulate (whether non-verbally or expressly) what would make you feel good, especially if you aren’t feeling satisfied. It’s all in how you say it. (By the way, if they don’t listen, it’s a good litmus test for how they’ll be in the relationship).
For example, if you’re looking for a serious relationship and they’re just looking to casually date, you’ll likely end things. But what if you both want to be in a relationship (check ✔) yet when it comes to sex they don’t like foreplay while you get most of your – ahem – “satisfaction” from the buildup (editorial note: that example is from personal experience)? Unless they’re open to fulfilling your desires, you’ll be in a pretty unfulfilling relationship. And even if that’s fine for a little while, the frustration will eventually boil over.
While talking about sex is hard – it can feel even more vulnerable than the act itself – communication about sex is often a gateway to good communication elsewhere in a relationship. Difficult topics are difficult topics and we need to learn to tackle them with our partner.
To make the sex discussion less awkward, establish trust and intimacy first with easier conversations, say about consent or contraception. Then move on to more meatier topics. Ultimately, creating a dialogue about basic sexual needs and expectations opens the door to sharing deeper and more intimate desires and fantasies. And being open and transparent about these things should only help strengthen your relationship.
So have the conversation about sex, baby! You’ll thank us.
Extra! Extra! Here Are the 2 Dating Trends That You Should Follow to Slay Your Dating Life.
Real Talk: Nobody’s out here to play games.
To say the least, the past two years have been weird. We went from our routine in-person interactions to a sudo-metaverse existence in a matter of days. Since then, we’ve been caught in a strange limbo.
Yet it wasn’t entirely all a dumpster fire. Spending a lot of time alone has given us an opportunity to gain some important perspectives. We were forced to re-evaluate our priorities and wants — and it turns out that most of us want something new. New types of jobs, new experiences (including in the bedroom, thanks for the intel, Cosmo), and, for those of us who are single, a new relationship.
But in a post-apocalypse dating world, we aren’t looking for casual, superficial paramours. We’re dating with the intention of finding a meaningful partner.
In other words, the games are done and authenticity and meaningful bonds are on the rise. Daters know what they want — and what they don’t — and they’re branching out of their comfort zones to find it.
So if you’re like us and are ready to ride the post-vaccination relationship boom, here’s a look at two dating trends that we think can help guide your journey.
Fast-Forwarding
No, we didn’t just pick this one for the name — it really is the most significant dating trend expected in 2022. So what is it?
“Fast-forwarding” (also referred to as “hardballing“) means looking ahead and considering whether a potential partner fits into the life you see yourself living in the future.
This lets us avoid wasting time on bad dates and incompatible partners. That means prioritizing emotional availability and focusing less on appearance. And it does seem obvious — looks can easily change, but a supportive partner will be a stable companion for the ages.
Fast-forwarding also normalizes the uncomfortable conversations about what we want, and being far more upfront with our partners about it, sooner. Further, that means being forthcoming as our wants and needs change. Nobody’s expected to be the same person year after year. Life changes us, situations change us, people change us, and our needs change, too.
We always encourage people to be honest about their needs and communicate them with their partners, and the trend of fast-forwarding shows that people are starting to do this from the very beginning.
‘Oystering’
Oystering is another breakout trend going into the new year, but what does it mean?
Well, it’s pretty simple: “oystering” means remaining consciously single — or maybe a better way to put it is “being single, consciously.” No more dating for the sake of dating! Instead, you pursue someone only when you’re ready and you feel a real, emotional connection with them.
Our advice? If you’re just getting out of a relationship, take time to realign yourself, release emotional baggage weighing you, and figure out what you want and need. And when you’re ready to get back out there, do it with intention!
Looking Ahead
Though trends come and go, “fast-forwarding” and “oystering” will likely have staying power in light of what the harrowing last two years have taught us: life’s too short to waste on something that’s purely superficial.
So seek out real connections and genuine relationships that challenge you in the right ways. Partners should open our eyes to new possibilities and experiences.
Sorry Not Sorry: Being Unvaccinated is the Biggest Dating Dealbreaker.
This really shouldn’t be surprising.
Online dating is all about first impressions — people don’t want to waste time talking to someone they’d never want to meet in person. But before you actually meet up in person, you’re probably going to ask some basic questions to get to know them better and to see if you may be compatible IRL. Questions like “What do you do for work?” or “What do you like to do outside of work?”
(more…)What to Expect From Dating in the Metaverse?
Spoiler: It’s not the real deal
In his own, um, charming way, Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg has been touting the “Metaverse” as the new way we’re all going to be interacting with the internet and each other. You can hang out with friends in VR, relax in VR, vacation in VR, and even work in VR!
The end goal is that you’ll be able to do anything in the Metaverse that you could do in real life and more — and, for better or worse, that likely means dating, too.
Probably for the gamers, dating in the Metaverse seems like a logical and exciting development, but for the rest of us, could, and should, Meta-dating be a substitute for real-life romantic connections?
First, let’s explore one of the main supposed selling points of Meta-dating: safety. Some people suggest that the Metaverse will remove the risks associated with in-person dates. At FFWD, we’re all about safety – heck, we build our entire product around it – but it seems counterintuitive that you can eliminate risk by creating an additional facade behind which your date can hide their true persona. On the contrary, this seems to offer more opportunities for catfishing, if not worse (accounts of sexual offenses in meta space seems to suggest that dangerous behavior may be undertaken with more impunity where you have the technological facade to barricade you against real-world consequences).
We think safety can only be assured when you show the real-life person off the bat, so that your real-life intuition can be invoked. And unless you plan to stay in the Meta-world in perpetuity (no judgment, gamers), you’re better off knowing sooner rather than later who’s the person behind the online persona.
Another “benefit” of Meta-dating is convenience. Sure, putting on a headset is way more efficient than getting ready for a real date but is that really a good thing? If the pandemic has taught us anything, it’s that going out into the real world should not be taken for granted. Also, if you can’t be bothered to spend a little time getting ready and dressed for a real-world date (or half-dressed for a Zoom date), then you’re probably not that interested in the person or dating overall. There, we said it.
Next, let’s consider the actual experience of VR dating.
Now, we’ve seen how dating changed during the pandemic, and with a lot of people going on Zoom dates, a Metaverse date might not seem that weird. Still, there’s some version of realism and intimacy with Zoom dating. You’re still face-to-face, in a sense. You still get a glimpse of the real life person, bits of their vibes and their real-life quirks.
In the Metaverse, though, you make an avatar. A cartoonish avatar. Of course, people have been making online avatars for decades in online games like RuneScape, Club Penguin, Second Life, but it makes us wonder, can you still experience the same vibes and body language quirks we identify in the real-world, or even Zoom, dates?
We think the answer lies in the pudding. And we’re not talking about the heavily-rendered ads Meta has been running on TV, but actual recordings of the Metaverse in its current form.
Here, take a look:
The Wall Street Journalist in the video describes the avatars as “trippy little LEGO-looking people.” Bottom line, as of now, the Metaverse is jank.
Even if, in time, Meta perfects the tools of its Metaverse to make you look more realistic, we still make the argument that the Metaverse can’t create the same feeling of intimacy that’s inherent with in-person dating.
It doesn’t replicate the experience itself: the pre-date jitters, the quick check of your hair in your phone’s camera, the first glimpse of someone walking toward you, the smell of their hair, the warmth of their hand on your arm.
These things can’t be replicated virtually, not until we live in a Ready Player One world — and we’re not sure that’s what we want (ever). There’s too much value and beauty in the real world to replace it with a virtual one entirely, and even those nervous feelings we experience when we’re dating add value.
Looking into someone’s eyes is a luxury reserved for the real world.
We wouldn’t have it any other way.