The Juice & the Squeeze

Because second dates are the real litmus test to see where things go…

So, you’ve survived the nerve-wracking ordeal of a first date and lived to tell the tale. But let’s be real—first dates are like trial runs for a job interview, except instead of impressing a potential employer, you’re trying not to spill spaghetti sauce on your shirt. The real challenge? Securing that elusive second date. Fear not, we’re here to give you some insight on how to increase your chances of scoring more second dates.

Dating can feel like a revolving door, of meeting people and dead ends. Getting on first dates is a great first step, but there’s a lot more power in moving things beyond the first date. Some people do get stuck on first date after first date, whether that’s because they just aren’t finding people they mesh with, or because they aren’t giving themselves enough time to make an informed decision before calling it quits. Getting seconds dates isn’t just about upgrading from coffee to cocktails; it’s about diving deeper, exploring common interests, and seeing if there’s potential for something more than just a fleeting encounter. In short, they’re the gateway to more substantial connections, and opportunities to better assess if you want to keep seeing each other.

If you’re on a treadmill of first dates, here are some therapist informed tips to get off — and on to more second dates.

1. Be Yourself, Unapologetically: Let’s face it—pretending to be someone you’re not is about as appealing as a soggy sandwich. Embrace your quirks, flaws, and unique personality traits. If you tiptoe through a date trying to conceal surface level parts of yourself, you’re never going to be able to be fully present. Be unapologetically you, and watch as the right people are drawn to you like moths to a flame.
2. Listen and Engage: Here’s a wild concept — actually listen to what your date has to say. We know, groundbreaking stuff. Engage in meaningful conversations by asking thoughtful questions, sharing your own stories, and refraining from checking your Instagram feed every five minutes. Show genuine interest in your date’s life, and resist the urge to zone out and plan your grocery list in your head. If you’re that bored, they probably aren’t your person — but out of consideration, you should come into the date with an open mind, and avoid being dismissive.
3. Choose the Right Setting: There are great venues for getting to know someone, and not-so-great venues for getting to know someone. We usually opt for a coffee or drinks for a first date, because it’s a great way to get to talking without worrying about what you’ll eat or if you’ll share or spilling on yourself. But, if you crave something more fun and out of the box, choose a date location that sparks excitement and sets the stage for memorable moments. Putting efforts into dates is an indirect way of putting effort in a potential connection..
4. Mind Your Manners: The term “etiquette” is outdated, but it does matter on a date. People who are perceived as kind, and also polite, are more likely to advance to second dates. No one likes people who are rude to waiters, or worse, rude to their date — and least of all, chew with their mouth open. A first date is a trial run in spending one on one time with someone else, so avoid inflicting discomfort.
5. Follow Up Like a Champ: So, you survived the date without any major disasters—congrats! Now it’s time to seal the deal with a killer follow-up. Send a text or call your date to express your gratitude for the awesome time you had and your interest in seeing them again. Keep it light, playful, and genuine.

Remember, dating is supposed to be fun, so don’t take it too seriously. Embrace the ups and downs, learn from each experience, and above all, stay true to yourself. Who knows? With a little bit of luck and a whole lot of charm, you might just find yourself on the road to a great connection. Looking for someone to spark magic with? Download FFWD.