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The Juice & the Squeeze

Red Flags 101

What’s worth overlooking, and what should have you running for the hills? So much of what we hear about in dating, especially early dating, is red flags. In the first few dates, your date might show some behaviors, or say things, that might make you question them.  Our obsession with “red flags” and “icks,” in […]

What's worth overlooking, and what should have you running for the hills?

So much of what we hear about in dating, especially early dating, is red flags. In the first few dates, your date might show some behaviors, or say things, that might make you question them. 

Our obsession with “red flags” and “icks,” in some ways might be holding us back. Per Global Dating Insights, 67% of daters polled in 2024 said that you have to get over some initial “icks” in order to get to know someone. So how do we decide which red flags are actually worth heeding warning to? Here are the key things to look out for. 

  1. They make you uncomfortable.

It doesn’t really matter what the nature of the discomfort is — whether they’re just plain awkward, make you feel insecure, or explicitly behaving in a way that wigs you out, follow that gut feeling. A good date should be comfortable in their skin, and you should feel comfortable in yours. 

2. They bash their exes. 

If someone speaks a lot about their ex in early dating, that can be a pretty solid indicator that they aren’t ready for another relationship. If the nature of the way that they speak about past lovers is entirely negative, that can be an indicator of narcissistic tendencies. It’s totally possible to have bad relationships, with bad people, that come to bad ends, but if every person they’ve ever dated has been “crazy” and they’re taking time to tell you about it off the bat, you might reconsider your match. 

3. They’re flakey.

Life happens, plans change, people cancel. But if someone is consistently jerking your schedule around, that probably indicates that they don’t have the time or the structure needed to form a meaningful connection. Respecting each other’s time is square one to getting a good connection going. 

4. They’re moving too fast.

The timeline of a relationship is collaborative. Whether the person you’re seeing is on a timeline that far too fast, or far too slow, that should be a red flag. An ideal partners should choose to be collaborative – open to communicating about relationship expectations, and willing to abide by them. 

Sometimes, we get so caught up in arbitrary red flags like not paying the whole bill, or chewing too loudly, that we overlook some red flags that are much more critical to relationship success. The ultimate rule of thumb with red flags is too follow your gut. It doesn’t matter what your friends, or social media, or anyone might say about how your date didn’t offer to split the check, or open the door for you, if you have a feeling about someone (bad or good!) it’s up to you to follow that. 

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